I’m feeling lonely and it’s my own fault

Just lately I’ve been feeling kinda lonely. Me and Jordan haven’t seen each other for a week, when we’d usually see each other three or four times a week, and it’s made me realise that he’s the only person I see regularly who isn’t one of my colleagues or my family.

When I left school to go to college I was ridiculously naive. I thought I’d never see most of the people I went to school with ever again so I deleted a lot of them on Facebook and unfollowed them on Twitter and Instagram. I didn’t do it to be nasty or unkind but I thought that college would be a fresh start and I’d make tons of new friends. And at first I did. I made friends with a couple of girls in my IT class and tagged along with their friendship group. In fact I was in their friendship group for the whole of my first year, but it wasn’t the fairy-tale fresh start that I’d hoped for.

Sometimes I couldn’t do the things they could because they all lived in the same area and I didn’t live in the city at all. Also, because some of them had been friends since they were in primary school and all of them had been friends throughout secondary school, it was already an established group. They all knew each other and what they liked and didn’t like and they had inside jokes that I didn’t understand. Even after I’d been a part of the group for a few months I still felt like an outsider looking in. I slowly realised that I’d been too quick to remove my old friends from my life.

I only really had one friend at college during my second year. I barely spoke to anyone from my old friendship group and my other close friend, Sophie, left to go to a different college. I still keep in touch with Sophie, in fact she’s been helping me through this lonely time I’m rambling on about, but we never get the chance to see each other. We live quite far away from each other and we’ve both got jobs, boyfriends and family to keep up with.

While I was at college I had a part-time job so I didn’t have loads of time to meet up with my friends anyway because I was either working or at college everyday but it would have been easier for me if I didn’t have to catch a bus or two to see them. If I’d have kept the friends that I had in my home town maybe I could have met up with them if I had the chance.

I suppose it’s my own fault that I’m feeling like this. If I’d have made more effort to stay in touch with the people I went to school with then we’d probably still be friends, I’ll never know for sure though. I don’t have a lot of regrets but allowing myself to drift apart from the friends I had in secondary school is probably my biggest.

I sometimes wonder whether I could get back into contact with them and see how they’re doing but it’s been so long and they’ve moved on and made new friends of their own so I don’t think they’d be interested. Plus we’re all busy people. I work full time and a lot of my old friends do too, where would we find the time to rekindle our friendships?

Me and Sophie still talk regularly, like I mentioned earlier, so perhaps when I’ve finished my apprenticeship and I’ve got more free time we could meet up more often. And one of the biggest barriers standing in the way of us seeing each other regularly is the fact that I can’t drive. Sophie passed her driving test a few weeks ago and hopefully I’ll start learning to drive soon. It would be much easier to see each other if we didn’t have to rely on buses, in fact I don’t think there’s a bus service that runs between my town and hers!

Hopefully I’ll kick this lonely feeling soon and get back to being myself again. Let me know in the comments whether you kept in touch with your friends when you left school. If not do you wish you did?

18 thoughts on “I’m feeling lonely and it’s my own fault

  1. I lost touch with a school friend for a long time, and then I found out she lives 2 miles down the road from me, and we’ve got together again!

    1. Wow what a coincidence, that’s fantastic! It’s lovely that you’ve rekindled your friendship. Thanks for reading Martha!

  2. I say it’s never too late to reacquaint yourself with your old school friends; the way they respond will show if they were good friends or not I guess and the answer to that question will at least show you where you stand. I personally don’t think it’s the quantity of friends you have, but the quality. I mean, I don’t think I have a massive amount of friends by any means, and like you, I spend the majority of time by myself, with work colleagues, or my boyfriend (other than my housemates, who are a couple who do their own thing) and I don’t see any problem with that. I like my own company and I’m happy enough with myself to spend time with myself and do my own thing 🙂 in fact, just today I went and became a tourist again in the town I live in at the moment and it was a really lovely day by myself! It’s natural to feel lonely sometimes, but don’t get down about it 🙂 if you want to talk or anything, you can message me if you like 🙂 would be nice to make some new blogging friends 🙂 we’re a positive happy community I feel, and I don’t want you to feel sad about it! x

    Katie
    http://www.katiehodgkinson.com

    1. It sounds like we’re quite similar Katie! I like spending time alone too but I think I just had a bit of a panic this week when I realised I barely see anyone. I might take your advice and send a quick message to a couple of my old friends. Like you say, I’ll know where I stand then. Thank you Katie, you’re so kind! Same to you! As always, thank you for reading xx

  3. Aww Sophie, I don’t think your alone. We all go through stages of drifting and finding new friends who then also drift as life and circumstances change. I know the feeling about drifting and wanting to rekindle with old friends. But don’t forget, they have also let things drift. It is a two way thing so it’s not all your fault, or theirs, it’s how life goes. Working full time is hard on all relationships, even trying to make new ones. Friends are best made through similar interests, groups and hobbies where you naturally cross paths. This happened for me with the benefit of doing things I loved. Drifting back into friendships happens to, when life allowed it. Be gentle with yourself, think positive and about having a lovely group of friends, manifest it in your life and be open to those who cross your path.
    Chin up lovely, xxxxxxxxxx

    1. Thank you so much Lucy, your comment is really reassuring. You’re right, this is just a stage of drifting that I’m going through. Plus, you never know what’s around the corner!

  4. I can totally relate to you at the moment, as I have been thinking the exact same thing. Over the past year or so, I could tell me and my so called best friend were drifting apart, because she never seem to want to meet up, even if it was just when we both could. Then we met up at Christmas and I thought we had got back a little, but then in about March this year, after texting her a couple time, she just never bothered replying and hasn’t since. It seemed hard at the time to just let it go, but after talking to my other friend, I just had to because it wasn’t nice what she was doing. I have another friends who despite we don’t see each other that often, we are always chatting online and have so much in common and I have been really glad of that friendship, just like you have with Sophie. Thank you for writing this post and to anyone who has commented because it is good to know you are not alone in the situation.

    1. Thank you so much for reading and commenting Katy. Sometimes it’s hard when friends seem to let go of a friendship but if they’re willing to walk away so easily then it’s not worth having them around anyway. As long as you’ve got friends who are good to you and who you can depend on them it doesn’t matter how many you’ve got.

  5. You know what…..You’re not alone!! Loads of people feel lonely. Being a mum has made me feel lonely, which is why I make an effort to see at least one friend (that isn’t associated with school) a week. There are only 7 days in a week and it can be months before I see friends from school. Most of my friends that I’ve made through college or work are now Facebook friends, as there just isn’t the time or we’re too far away. Time is precious and you have to choose wisely what to do with your time. I will say that friends should always come first when there’s a man around, as I knew plenty of girls from work that all of a sudden when the man is busy with his friends or they go away, or they split up the girls have no-one, so even though I’m married I will always see a friend. My best friends I can count on one hand and any other friends from school or work that I’ve kept in contact with are bonus friends. With certain friends from school that I’ve known nearly my whole life, we’ll meet up once a year and have a huge catch up, but we still follow each others lives on Facebook. Personally if I were you, I would refollow anyone that you actually considered a friend at school or work. I’m 37 and I’m still in contact with people I’ve known 30 years. Seeing them once a year is good enough and better than never again.

    1. Thank you Renna, I think I’ll take your advice and reconnect with some old friends. Like you say, even if we don’t have time to meet up on a weekly or monthly basis, meeting up every now and then is better than never at all. Thank you for reading and commenting!

  6. I’m a lot older than you and have had periods in my life where i’ve felt exactly as you describe. A few times i’ve found myself feeling incredibly alone and isolated even though i’ve always had a people-orientated job and plenty of friends. My issue was always that (at two separate times) most of my friends met their other halves, got married and had babies. Their priorities changed and going out and checking in on their single friend fell off their to do list. For a while i was a in dark place but eventually realised that i had to do something to help myself. I stopped hoping the phone would ring and started proactively suggesting more, joined a singing group, got myself online dating and even had a few ‘girl power’ esque holidays on my own. I also did a bit more to invest in my own mental wellbeing (meditation and hypnosis) although i appreciate this sounds very different to your situation. My point is, take charge and push yourself into new and exciting things. You’ll meet new people, reconnect with some old ones and find things much easier. Get in touch with those old school friends, they might be feeling just the same as you.
    Good luck X

    1. Thank you so much for your comment Helen! I’m glad you’re in a better place now. You’re right, I should take the initiative and get back in touch with my old friends. What’s the worst that could happen? Thank you for reading x

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