Lifestyle Thoughts

This is why I’m scared to say how I really feel

I recently read a post that I disagreed with. I got to the bottom and someone had left a comment. They also disagreed with the post, but the difference was that they had the guts to voice their opinion about it.

I thought to myself woah, that’s brave. I’d never do that. I almost judged her in a way for expressing her opinion but that girl had every right to say how she felt and she wasn’t being rude about it at all.

I’ll go to parties I don’t want to go to and meet up with friends I don’t like anymore just because I’m too afraid to say no and hurt their feelings when really it’d probably be easier for everyone if I was just honest about it.

If someone says something wrong or gets something mixed up I won’t correct them because that might offend them. They’d probably appreciate it if I did correct them because then they’ll know in future, but I’m too scared of upsetting them.

The thing is, I want to be liked. I’m a people pleaser. And I’m afraid that by disagreeing with someone or expressing a controversial opinion I might upset someone and I don’t want to do that.

Since I started struggling with my anxiety around 18 months ago a lot of things I’ve always done that I just thought was a part of me have started to make more sense. I can link a lot of my personality traits to my anxiety and I think this is one of them.

All throughout primary school, secondary school and college I’ve always been afraid to ask for help. Even now in my full time apprenticeship I still struggle to ask for help but when I have to I’ll put it off for as long as possible until I’m in panic mode. I don’t want to ask because I don’t want to bother anyone, they’re probably too busy and I wouldn’t want to stress them out or irritate them.

Like I say, this is probably down to my anxiety and part of me that’ll probably always be there. I’ve always been like it so I doubt I’ll change, no matter how much I want to.

Let me know how you feel about expressing your opinions and feelings. Is it something that comes naturally to you or do you shy away like me? Also how does it make you feel when someone disagrees with something you do or say?

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  • Reply
    May 13, 2016 at 11:02 am

    I am exactly the same! I just started a new job and some things I’m still a little unsure of, but I refuse to ask for help or ask if I’m doing it right. I can be arguing with myself in my head for 15 minutes about it when I could’ve easily just asked and got it over with. I think we need to learn that not everyone is as scary as our anxiety makes them out to be. You might not be able to change it completely but you can alter the way you perceive certain situations, it definitely just takes time and a lot of stern words with yourself. You’re not alone!


    • Reply
      Sophie Wright
      May 13, 2016 at 12:02 pm

      You completely understand how I feel Alice! Thank you so much, that means a lot to me.

  • Reply
    May 17, 2016 at 1:03 pm

    I understand this. My initial tendency is the same, just don’t ask for help because I don’t want to bother anyone or I don’t want people to think I’m incompetent. I also tend not to speak up in class because I’m afraid what I want to say or ask is just obvious and that’s why no one else has said it. A few years ago I started throwing caution a little more to the wind and speaking up a bit more, and I realized that even though I’m sometimes “wrong” (whatever that means in the given situation) no one judges me for it. Most of the time they probably forget about what I say within a few minutes or even seconds and move on to the next idea/topic. I think most people, probably us included, have a tendency to overanalyze how (we think) others must be responding to us, when in reality other people think way less about our actions than we do.

    Not sure exactly where I’m going with this, or if this is even intended to be helpful, but those are my first few thoughts on the matter.

    Danielle |

    • Reply
      Sophie Wright
      May 17, 2016 at 9:21 pm

      Thank you Danielle, your comment was really helpful. It’s nice to think that people might barely think about things that could bother us for hours or even days!

  • Reply
    Anna Weston-Stowe
    May 17, 2016 at 5:04 pm

    This post was really interesting as this is something I think about a lot! I’ve found it easier the older that I get. Also, the more successful I feel. There has been a direct correlation between my career progression and my ability to respectfully a) voice my opinion and b) tell someone they have something wrong. I did it in a Twitter chat the other day (twice actually) and it’s been in the back of my mind ever since ‘I shouldn’t have done that’ ‘People will think I’m a bitch now’ etc. There’s a whole mess of feminist theories about the socialisation of women in this regard as well. Maybe best not to pull at that thread in a comment section though, we’ll be here for hours! :p x

    • Reply
      Sophie Wright
      May 17, 2016 at 9:19 pm

      Thanks for your comment Anna! Hopefully I’ll gain confidence as I get older too. It’s something that really bothers me! x

  • Reply
    May 19, 2016 at 5:03 pm

    I can relate to this – I tend not to correct people if they’re wrong about something because I simply don’t want to hurt their feelings like you say. I also suffer with quite bad anxiety, and I too end up going to parties I seriously don’t want to go to or meet up with people I don’t really want to see just to keep people happy. Or just to fit in for that matter, as thats what everybody else seems to be doing. It can suck sometimes, I’m glad you’ve written this post and I can relate well to it. I hope your anxiety gets better in the future and things turn out okay!

    Lucy | Forever September

    • Reply
      Sophie Wright
      May 19, 2016 at 5:32 pm

      Thank you so much Lucy, same to you! Thanks for reading

  • Reply
    Sarah Lauren
    May 20, 2016 at 3:02 pm

    Couldn’t agree more with this post!
    Feels like you’ve read my mind haha. I’ve always worried about hurting people’s feelings and I’m definitely a people pleaser. I struggle with expressing my feelings to people.

    But when it comes to work, I’ve gotten so much better at asking for help. I know approach them with questions and I’ve even started to learn more and progress in the company. Asking simple questions can fill you with so much confidence as well as teaching you things that you’d usually worry about.

    Sarah xo

    • Reply
      Sophie Wright
      May 21, 2016 at 8:59 am

      I’m so glad you’ve started asking more questions at work Sarah! I hope I can build my confidence like you have. Thanks for reading! x

  • Reply
    June 1, 2016 at 4:13 pm

    I really love this post and well done for being brave to post it. I know it can be hard to express the way we feel. I felt how you did throughout school about asking for help. Mostly because I was worried people will laugh at my question or think I was stupid.

    I also go to events with friends that tbh isn’t really me at all. And the only reason I do this is because when you’re in your 20s it’s so hard to make new friends that I feel I have to please the ones I have otherwise I’ll have no one.

    I’m glad I read your post and comments knowing there are others who feel the same way I do. And hope you feel better knowing you’re not alone in the way you feel.

    Jasmine x

    • Reply
      Sophie Wright
      June 1, 2016 at 8:31 pm

      Thank you so much Jasmine, I really appreciate it. Thank you for taking the time to read my post and leave your kind comment, it means a lot to me x

  • Reply
    June 7, 2016 at 4:19 pm

    Thank you so much for writing this. I can completely relate. I have anxiety and depression so when I need help I find it so hard to ask for it. I’m currently doing a college course and the work is seriously hard especially with working full time but whenever anyone has asked how I’m getting on I’ve told them it’s fine. I look back on the past year of the course and get so annoyed with myself for not asking for help sooner.
    I really hope your anxiety lessens and you start to feel more confident in yourself. Xx

    • Reply
      Sophie Wright
      June 7, 2016 at 9:34 pm

      Thank you so much Sarah, same to you. Good luck with your college course, I hope everything turns out okay for you x

  • Reply
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