Just lately I’ve been feeling kinda lonely. Me and Jordan haven’t seen each other for a week, when we’d usually see each other three or four times a week, and it’s made me realise that he’s the only person I see regularly who isn’t one of my colleagues or my family.
When I left school to go to college I was ridiculously naive. I thought I’d never see most of the people I went to school with ever again so I deleted a lot of them on Facebook and unfollowed them on Twitter and Instagram. I didn’t do it to be nasty or unkind but I thought that college would be a fresh start and I’d make tons of new friends. And at first I did. I made friends with a couple of girls in my IT class and tagged along with their friendship group. In fact I was in their friendship group for the whole of my first year, but it wasn’t the fairy-tale fresh start that I’d hoped for.
Sometimes I couldn’t do the things they could because they all lived in the same area and I didn’t live in the city at all. Also, because some of them had been friends since they were in primary school and all of them had been friends throughout secondary school, it was already an established group. They all knew each other and what they liked and didn’t like and they had inside jokes that I didn’t understand. Even after I’d been a part of the group for a few months I still felt like an outsider looking in. I slowly realised that I’d been too quick to remove my old friends from my life.
I only really had one friend at college during my second year. I barely spoke to anyone from my old friendship group and my other close friend, Sophie, left to go to a different college. I still keep in touch with Sophie, in fact she’s been helping me through this lonely time I’m rambling on about, but we never get the chance to see each other. We live quite far away from each other and we’ve both got jobs, boyfriends and family to keep up with.
While I was at college I had a part-time job so I didn’t have loads of time to meet up with my friends anyway because I was either working or at college everyday but it would have been easier for me if I didn’t have to catch a bus or two to see them. If I’d have kept the friends that I had in my home town maybe I could have met up with them if I had the chance.
I suppose it’s my own fault that I’m feeling like this. If I’d have made more effort to stay in touch with the people I went to school with then we’d probably still be friends, I’ll never know for sure though. I don’t have a lot of regrets but allowing myself to drift apart from the friends I had in secondary school is probably my biggest.
I sometimes wonder whether I could get back into contact with them and see how they’re doing but it’s been so long and they’ve moved on and made new friends of their own so I don’t think they’d be interested. Plus we’re all busy people. I work full time and a lot of my old friends do too, where would we find the time to rekindle our friendships?
Me and Sophie still talk regularly, like I mentioned earlier, so perhaps when I’ve finished my apprenticeship and I’ve got more free time we could meet up more often. And one of the biggest barriers standing in the way of us seeing each other regularly is the fact that I can’t drive. Sophie passed her driving test a few weeks ago and hopefully I’ll start learning to drive soon. It would be much easier to see each other if we didn’t have to rely on buses, in fact I don’t think there’s a bus service that runs between my town and hers!
Hopefully I’ll kick this lonely feeling soon and get back to being myself again. Let me know in the comments whether you kept in touch with your friends when you left school. If not do you wish you did?